


Phoenix the Milf Wrangler

by BeebThatScreams



Category: VALORANT (Video Game)
Genre: Bi-con Phoenix, Crack Relationships, F/M, He’s trying so hard lord help him, M/M, Phoenix will fall in love with anything that can kill him, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 21:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30129315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeebThatScreams/pseuds/BeebThatScreams
Summary: Phoenix has a crush on Reyna because nothing is sexier than a woman who knows 120 ways to kill you and have no one find your body.Idea and title provided to me by my friend YonkBonk who I would like to blame for this.
Relationships: Phoenix/Reyna (VALORANT), Phoenix/Yoru (VALORANT)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	Phoenix the Milf Wrangler

He could not believe in a million years that he just said that. Two rules: Never ask a woman her weight and never ask a woman her age. Well never ask a woman her age when it comes to her being too old for you instead of too young. Oh boy did he just break that rule by not having a filter.

“No shade you look great but...like... sometimes you say the strangest things" Nice save dumbass. At least it came out as a comment about her lack of slang more than anything.

Reyna actually smiles at him rather than the glare he was expecting. Sure it’s her evil little smirk, but it’s a smile nonetheless and being proud of getting it kept him burning a little brighter this mission. Maybe it’s the mercenary superhero type shenanigans that keeps resulting in crushes on people who could crush him. It could also be the fact that he’s a 23 year old young man with a bunch of attractive peers, who just happen to be dangerous. But why Reyna of all the other agents? Why couldn’t he have gotten a crush on Jett or Syke or Yoru- actually no, he couldn’t deal with Yoru no matter how pretty he was. He’d be too busy trying to one up him than ever be romantic. If today’s comment on Reyna’s age was anything though he’s bad at romance anyway.

Speaking of Jett, “So what’s on your mind? You did great out there today, usually you’d be celebrating.” She elbows him lightly not used to seeing her friend not able to cover up his worries.

“Hey uh.. what do girls like? Like, how would I go about um-” god he sounds like a teenager what is he doing.

“No fucking way! Who do you like?~” Yeah this was definitely a bad idea.

“I’m not telling you! I just need some general advice.” Phoenix tries not to look embarrassed.

“Listen every girl is different, and while things like getting her food and compliments are universal I can’t help you cross the line of friendly to romantic without knowing who you’re talking about.” Jett seems actually interested in helping and matchmaking rather than ruining this on purpose so he might as well give it a shot.

Phoenix looks around making sure again no one else is around. “Reyna.. I like Reyna.”

Jett looks at him for a moment just buffering at that information. “I’m sorry what?”

“I said-”

“No no I heard you.” She says trying to think. “God I can’t even think of gifts. Reyna kinda scares me so I don’t know her well. But she’s been in this game longer than us and literally runs on killing so maybe like. A gun buddy?”

“Yeah a gun buddy actually sounds like a really good idea. I’ll have to look for one she’d like all of mine are kinda dumb.”

“Dumb? How dare you insult hat frog like that.” She laughs.

It had been about a week and while they were getting ready for a mission Phoenix worked up the courage to talk to Reyna and give her the gun buddy. It wasn’t exactly her style, the little Sovereign charm was a blue stone with a gold ring, but he liked it cause it kinda felt like getting her jewelry.

“Hey, I got you this. Thought you’d like it I noticed you don’t use very many gun buddies.” He tried his best not to sound nervous as he held it out to her.

She took it from his hand and looked it over with a smile. “How sweet~” she hummed as her only response and hooked it to her gun.

Progress! Kinda. Though hearing that almost purr of a comment killed him instantly and the attempt to hide nervousness died with him. “Glad you like it!”

He tried not to show off too much oddly enough. Less of a risk of messing up and embarrassing himself. Eventually he is going to have to stop fawning and trying to posture himself and just ask Reyna out. But that can wait for another time.

‘Okay fuck it the time is now.’ He thought as they walked back into base from the mission. “Uh hey Reyna? You uh..” he cleared his throat. “You wanna have dinner with me some time?”

Reyna smiles and raises an eyebrow at him. “Dinner? Little bird are you asking me on a date?~”

“Yeah. I was thinking maybe we could try somethin..”

She laughs happily and he can’t tell if he’s about to get horribly rejected or if she’s going to say yes.

“You’re cute really. I’d love to play around with you but I’d eat you alive, darling.” She holds under his chin the sharpness of her long nails adding even more validity to what she says. “Take the no as a compliment, means I care enough to not want to drain the life out of you.”

He nods and though he wants to suggest he can handle her... No, no he can’t. Looking in her black and glowing pink eyes he thinks maybe she’s absolutely right. It’s one thing to look at death, another thing to dance with it. “Right right. I get it.” He backs away out of her touch flustered and trying his best not to be disappointed.

“You’ll find someone your speed Mejo. You’re surrounded by them.” She hums walking off with a wave.

“Ouch! Not fast enough for the Empress hm?” Yoru, of course of all the people to see him get turned down it had to be that asshole.

“Shut up, like you would be either.” Phoenix huffs.

He walks up to him with that annoying prideful stride. Why does everything about him have to be so showy? “I hate to admit that you’re probably right. I’m just a little closer to your speed.” The look he gives him is kinda eye fucking and he doesn’t know how to feel about that. Phoenix doesn’t get much time to decide how to feel about it before Yoru is walking right on past him. “See you later ‘little bird’.” He chuckles as he mimicks Reyna.

Why does everything about that asshole have to be so showy.. and why does he kinda like it?


End file.
